Welcome to the MamasteFit podcast! In this episode, my birth partner and husband, Barron, will be sharing our birth stories from his perspective.
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Gina: Welcome to today’s episode. Today’s episode is a special one because my birth partner will be sharing our three birth stories from his perspective as the non-birthing partner. Thank you for being here, Barron, and for fathering my children.
Barron: You’re welcome.
Gina: So starting from our first pregnancy with our daughter, Adeline, how is it finding out that we were pregnant?
Barron: I would say it was probably a little excited, was definitely a little nervous. I was definitely fortunate. So I was excited that I was going to become a father and especially to go on this journey with you. I was a little nervous because we were living in separate states. You were still in the army? I’m still in the Army.
We were about 4 hours apart, so I was definitely, like worried about if something’s going to happen, like while we were apart and not together on a weekend. And then I would say a little bit fortunate just because I knew some people have difficulties getting pregnant and we didn’t really experience that. So I was probably all three of those things.
Gina: Did you have any expectations of what our birth would be like before we took a birth class?
Gina: I had imagined just showing up and getting an epidural. I grew up really afraid of birth and so I had not really considered that people would give birth without medication until the latter half of our pregnancy.
Barron: I knew nothing about birth other than what you see in TV shows and in movies. And it was nothing that I was ever really talked about with, like any friends or family. And I would generally meet a baby when they were brought home from the hospital. So it was definitely something new to me. So, from an expectation standpoint, I had none other than that.
I was really relying on a birth education course to show me what was going on.
Gina: And then after we took a childbirth education course… (not the MamasteFit Childbirth Education Course)
How did you feel about birth then?
Barron: I would say I was definitely more confident in my ability to support you as a birth partner. But the specific course that we took, I think, left me a little bit mistrusting of the medical system. So I was worried that we would go into the hospital. And your wishes and our birth plan that we came up with wouldn’t necessarily be honored.
Gina: So, what made you recommend that we hire a doula?
Gina: So, it wasn’t me that actually figured out what to doula was and tried to convince Barron to hire one. He was the one that actually came to me and said, “we should hire a doula.”
Barron: Well, it just sounded like a really good idea and it kind of got dropped in my lap. So I was eating lunch with a former boss who I kept in touch with as a mentor for him, and his wife had just given birth to their child. And as we were eating lunch, he’s like describing how, you know, they went in and they had this doula and all the things it was doing when I was like, “What does it do?”
I never I don’t even think I’ve even heard the word before. So, it’s you describe to me, I was like, man, this sounds like a really awesome thing. This dude who I know, and trust is pretty much describing this person and this person that we could hire as something that I really need to have. So I was like, well, I got to go back and tell Gina what to do.
And then that’s really kind of how the idea started.
Gina: So a doula is kind of like a labor companion or birth coach, and so they can help guide you through your pregnancy and through your birth in a non-medical way. And what can be beneficial about hiring a doula is most of us don’t have very much experience with birth other than our own birth experiences and maybe like one friend or you like your family members.
But a doula has ideally attended multiple births and has a lot of experience with birth. And so, they can help guide you to understand what is normal, and what is not normal, help you understand different labor positions that you can do. So, they’re kind of like your labor buddy is how I would describe a doula, and definitely something that I would recommend if you feel very unsure on how to navigate birth or even what to expect.
So towards the end of our pregnancy, how were you feeling?
I was definitely pretty anxious about induction and being past my due date and really wanted to have an unmedicated birth but was not feeling very confident and the medical team that we had.
Barron: So I could just tell how anxious and uncomfortable you were starting to get towards the end, and I knew how bad you wanted to start. I think that that just kind of rubbed off on me. Those are definitely what ready? I don’t think that I can put into words how ready you were, but I was right behind you.
Gina: So, Barron has a very sympathetic pregnancy with me. I don’t think that’s the right word, but he experiences my pregnancy symptoms along with me. And so, during my first trimester, I can’t eat because I’m like super nauseous and I have a lot of morning sickness and so Barron eats my food for me.
And so, he usually is the one that gains all the pregnancy weight. Well, I’m already vomiting, so I could definitely understand that towards the end of my pregnancy, you were really each other’s hype men also. So, I could understand that you were feeling all my emotions as well. So, it’s the big day and I have finally woken up and I am in labor.
I’m 41 weeks and two days.
Can you tell us the birth story from your perspective?
And for those of you that are listening, you could listen to my side of the story or my perspective of the story in episode two.
Barron: All right. So Adeline’s birth or the day before her birth, Gina woke up and was having some contractions, went into the hospital, but got sent home. Later, we walked around the track and ended up getting some dinner nearby and then we went back to the hospital in hopes of getting admitted, and then we just walked around. Walking around a lot in the hallways and ended up hanging out in the church chapel area on the floor that the labor and delivery ward was at from a support standpoint, it was awesome.
Like our doula was there. My sister-in-law, Roxanne was there, and my mother-in-law was also there. So, we definitely had a lot of people there to support Gina. But I don’t think maybe with the exception of the doula, anybody knew what was going on. So, Gina’s in a lot of pain and they started talking about the pitocin and stuff, which I think definitely made Gina super nervous.
And we ended up getting I.V. pain meds, but there was like a delay because they don’t keep the stuff on the same floor. So just remember a really big gap in time. Gina’s, like, super uncomfortable or all this is going down the zipper kind of come in back and forth, taking breaks on who’s, like, comforting her. I just remember, like, not knowing which questions asked the nurses.
And every time, like the midwife would come in, she was like, super, super. I wouldn’t say like abrasive, but just like at the time and definitely felt standoffish and any like hint of a question of, hey, what are we doing? Was, was definitely like met with resistance. So I think eventually it just kind of faded away and probably didn’t stand up for Gina the way that I probably could have, you know, and having an experience of birth after that and ended up getting an epidural and originally crashing for a nap and then water breaking, it’s probably like 9 a.m. the next morning at this point.
And then within 30 minutes, she was pushing, and then Adeline came out around noon. It was like a rush really for me. Like the last little bit. I kind of described this setting as being in a high school hallway and back where I grew up. Like kids would get in a fight and, you know, you might have a friend that’s on the inside of this like circle or all the kids are like surrounding watching, like preventing anybody from getting out and wanting the fight to go on as long as possible.
But I kind of felt like I was on the outside of that. There were so many people in the room and I didn’t know. Like half of them were like, I recognize a midwife and I understood like one of the guys was a doctor at one point in time. He’s talking about like forceps or something. And was like freaking Gina out.
When she finally comes out, it just seemed like a snap. I think I got a picture of, you know, these medical people grabbing her. And then next thing, they’re off to the weigh station. I don’t know. It’s just a blur. Like, I’m glad that we had a couple of pictures to show what happened because I definitely like definitely wish I had been able to like to cherish it a little bit more.
But that’s, that’s about like in a very quick sense of how it was for me.
Gina: How did you feel when she was like finally born? So they brought her directly over the warmer for whatever reason. I still don’t know why. Because she was like screaming and crying and they were like, Hey, Dad, you want to cut the cord? And I was kind of like, How long is my lord? They met, like, trim the cord.
So if your babies are the warmer, your umbilical cord has been cut and then your partner will just trim it if they didn’t get a chance to be the one that actually cut it. So how did you feel when she was like finally born? Like my two and a half hours of pushing and like two days of labor was like finally done.
So how did you feel when she was like finally born?
Like my two and a half hours of pushing and like two days of labor was like finally done.
Barron: So once she was finally born, initially, I was worried. I mean, you don’t really understand all the medical terms that are being used when the baby comes out initially. And I, I think Adeline had had her hand up near her head when she was like coming all the birth canal. And the only thing I remember was one of the midwives or one of the doctors was saying, like, compound something that is like taking notes on a chart.
I’m like, the only thing I have reference to and playing sports and being in the military is when people compound anything like compound fracture, I’m like, Oh my God. And my daughter just come out with a broken arm. And then they, like Gina said, they rushed her over to the warming station so fast, I was expecting to have gotten a chance to cut the umbilical cord.
So I was like, Man, maybe something’s wrong. No one’s really talking. So by the time they handed her to me and I’m just like, All right, she’s crying. And then getting a chance to cut off a portion of the cord was cool, but it was not necessarily the momentous moment that I had anticipated.
And it was just kind of fast.
Gina: What do you wish you knew before our first birth as a birth partner? And what advice would you have given to yourself before our first birth?
Barron: I think I would have probably given myself the advice to just slow down. Maybe if I had some questions to like to consult Google or talk to the doula, definitely. I probably would have told myself not to have been intimidated by the staff because I think that was the biggest thing that probably I had walked away from. It was like medical professionals.
They’re trained and educated. And I think that I was intimidated by that because I don’t speak their language. And just because like I had concerns, like their demeanor was off-putting me in certain ways, like I probably should have stood my ground and made sure that Gina got the reassurance that she needed or had the advocacy that she needed.
But it’s one of those things like in hindsight, you don’t know what you don’t know. But that’s definitely what I would have. I would have been more prepared for it.
Gina: I would say for the birth partners, it can be really hard to know when to speak up because you don’t necessarily want to interfere with the necessary care that could potentially cause harm. So I think sometimes that’s why partners don’t want to speak up or like ask a lot of questions is like they don’t want to interfere and potentially like have an issue occur because they were like interrupting.
Do you agree with that?
Barron: Yeah. And I also I mean, there’s a back fear as like one thing that I didn’t want to do was get kicked out of the room and not be present. So it was hard trying to like to find a balance in my head between being just nervous and also respectful to the staff.
Gina: I think the only reason why you get kicked out is if you, like, assaulted somebody. So it’s okay to speak up.
Barron: Oh, yeah, definitely know that now.
Gina: So we’re really fortunate with Baron’s job that the military gives paternity leave. But at the time that our daughter was born, it was only ten days of paternity leave, which I know for a lot of folks is like a lot of time because they get none. But we were unfortunately rushed in with having only a few days of that paternity leave.
And so we were pretty rushed to bond as a family before you were off for training for like weeks or months at a time.
So how was it for you those initial days after our daughter was born?
Barron: The initial days were kind of rough being in the hospital, so that was one of the other things. If you’re going to, like, give birth in a hospital, just be prepared to not sleep and constantly have people coming in the room to do just random checkups and stuff and taking your baby and bringing them back and just watching from a glass screen, you know, through like a hallway went to whatever or whatever room they’re doing, checkups, that kind of stuff.
So that’s kind of nerve-racking, not necessarily for the birth partner as much as for the mom. And then honestly, like most people probably don’t get good sleep in a hospital bed. The chairs in the hospital definitely aren’t that great. But once I got out of the hospital, we were on our way home. I got, like Gina said, about ten days off from work.
I think the thing that was the toughest with this one was it occurred near the July 4th holiday. So a lot of the things just bonding and also just administrative things that we needed to get done as far as enrollment in some of the health care and personnel systems for the army with our daughter, where it was, it was difficult to do because things were closed, because it was like a weekend, but it just felt like I was back to work like right away and I didn’t get a chance to do much bonding.
So that was tough. And then once I was back at work like Gina said, I was away for I think it was about a month initially, and then it was just on and off. I was gone a lot through the next year. And definitely, I could tell that the hours that I was working and not having that time definitely affected me.
I really think it affected my relationship with my daughter for almost like probably the first two years. It was definitely, definitely tough.
Second Birth Story: The Birth of our Son
Gina: So once I hit a year postpartum we decided to try to conceive our second child. And it definitely took a lot longer the second time around to conceive, which was like really confusing because with Adeline it was like I think three months of trying and one of those months we weren’t together and that’s why. And so we’re trying and trying and trying.
And then finally we got pregnant. But after like several months of trying, but unfortunately, we had a missed miscarriage, which means that the pregnancy was not viable, that my body had not recognized that and did not pass the baby and so we ended up doing a medical miscarriage at home. And then Barron deployed for a few months and so we weren’t able to try to conceive during that timeframe.
He got home. We tried again. After a few months, we got pregnant. I like rushed to the lab to get a positive blood test and then like two days later I started bleeding and it was confirmed that I had had another miscarriage.
So how did you feel about our losses?
Barron: It was definitely an uncharted territory as far as like anything I’d ever experienced. I didn’t really know, like, how to feel at first. I kind of felt numb, but like I saw the, you know, you are where you’re definitely like not in a good place. And I think that I think I just kind of absorbed some of your emotions, but it was definitely hard.
So it was hard to talk about for me. I was definitely fortunate that my work would allow me to take some time off, especially with the deployment that I had to go on. They gave me about three weeks off. So that was really awesome being able to spend that time at home and just kind of figure things out with you.
Before I headed out. But also I would say the biggest thing for me was the confusion that we experience with the medical staff. It just didn’t seem that either from a bedside manner standpoint or just an empathy standpoint, that they took it as seriously as I think you did. And I think that was kind of off-putting.
It was kind of more like, hey, like this happens to everybody or this happened to my daughter, you know, just not necessarily the thing that I think actually makes anybody feel better. So that just kind of felt like maybe the length of pregnancy was how they were waiting for the value in terms of like how much lost somebody was allowed to feel.
So that was it was just something definitely for anyone to be cognizant about if their loved ones are experiencing a situation like this. Definitely. Definitely be aware that it’s not easy for them.
Gina: And then finally, in September of 2019, we did conceive our son. And so did you feel anxious at all during his pregnancy of another loss?
Barron: I was definitely nervous or anxious or maybe really the best way to describe it was I tried to hold my excitement until after we found out that the pregnancy was viable. And once everything was checked out there, I was definitely much more at ease.
Gina: I definitely think I did the same thing with his pregnancy where I almost felt like I wanted to like hold back my like excitement and my joy to like in an attempt to like, protect myself, but ultimately, like, realize that it wouldn’t hurt any less if I was disconnected from the experience. And so that definitely helped me like begin to bond more with the pregnancy and then feeling him like kick and move.
And definitely helped me a lot with feeling a little bit more at ease with the pregnancy and so on. Our son, his pregnancy was pretty uncomplicated like no real issues are other than like concerns for us about loss because we had just had two back-to-back losses and everything was going pretty smoothly. Baron deployed for, I think 4 to 6 months to Germany, and so we went and got to visit him for Christmas, which was like really fun.
And then COVID happened and he had just gone back from home like the world shut down. And we were trying to figure out like what we were going to do for our birth. Because all my prenatal appointments pretty much got canceled. I was doing centering, which is like a group prenatal appointment for 2 hours at a time, and those all got canceled and they were like, We’ll just call you to check in on you.
And I was like, well, that’s not providing care. And then like certain states were really limiting visitors. And so like New York City, like partners weren’t even allowed to attend the birth of their child. And so in our city, it was you could have one person at your birth. And so like obviously before me would be barren, but I was like concerned like what if this continues to go down like this path where, you know, I’m in there by myself, and everyone’s like hazmat suits and I don’t want to give birth by myself.
There are also a lot of people like that. I want to be at my birth beyond just my husband. And so we decided during my third trimester to switch to home birth.
And so how did you feel about switching to homebirth? What were your concerns and what helped you feel confident that this was a good option for us?
Barron: There was definitely nervous at first. I think ultimately the COVID protocol with the hospitals and I think your fears about what you just brought up, like giving birth alone and just being surrounded by people with with suits on, definitely pushed it over the edge for me where I was like, okay, let’s do this. But I think what really sold me on it was having one of my friends is a doctor just kind of walk me through basically failsafe, sort of like the transfer plan, like if something went wrong, how do we how do we get to the hospital?
Once I found out, the process is like, hey, you’re, you know, you have a backup as a backup for a home midwife. You have a hospital that’s basically agreed to accept you. And I was like, all right, well, what’s the worst that worst thing that going to happen here? And I think typically it I don’t know, for me, like my fears would be like what happens of some type of hemorrhaging event goes on and Gina starts bleeding uncontrollably.
Those are really like was my probably nightmare fear. But ultimately I felt confident that from where we were living at the time that to be able to get to the closest hospital in the event that there was an emergency.
Gina: And so with homebirth, your provider should not be waiting for the emergency to begin the transfer process. They may have certain like pink flags or triggers within their care that would start to initiate a transfer. So something that could likely lead to a more emergency, they would recommend transfer at that point. And then for things like hemorrhage, like there are medications that you can give at home to help manage hemorrhage before as you were transferring.
And so understanding what your homebirth providers’ transfer plan is and what their emergency plans are like, what are some common things that they would transfer for? What are some common emergencies that they encounter? And so having that type of conversation can really help build your confidence in your trust, in your provider, to be able to keep you and your baby safe during a birth at home.
And I know for a lot of partners, that is like the big concern is like, why would we not give birth at a hospital if that’s the safest place to give birth? And hospitals are a great place to give birth, you can also safely give birth at home with a qualified medical provider.
And so, understanding what their transfer plan is, what are some reasons that they transfer? What are some common emergencies that they may encounter that can help you be more confident that you can stay safe?
What advice would you give to a birth partner in supporting a switching care from the hospital to a home birth?
Barron: So I think if it if I were to give some advice to someone, I would say, hey, if your birth partner comes to you and say, hey, we’re going to switch from a hospital birth to a home birth, the first thing I would say is meet your midwife and or meet midwife candidates that you’re looking to hire and just discuss all the things that Gina brought up with them.
And then something else that’s probably a good idea is to if the midwives able to, you know, link you up with clients that they’ve had so you can talk to them about their experiences. But there’s also a lot of homebirth support groups that are available online on various social media forums. So if you have like questions, people are definitely there to support you.
And most often not like someone’s experience, whatever concerns that you are having can give you at least their viewpoint on it, which can be comforting.
Gina: So we're nearing the end of my pregnancy. How are you feeling at the end of this pregnancy?
Barron: I was feeling pretty confident. This one with COVID. I really didn’t have to go in for work at all. My boss had pretty much said, Hey, you’re moving in a few months. Just covered things going on. You can work from home, just be there to support your wife so you know, took that for a grain of salt. And I was just working out and doing workouts with Gina, going for walks, hanging out, and just prepping the house for the birth.
So I felt like we had a lot of time to set up for everything and we were well stocked on all Gina’s preferred snacks and had the whole plan ready to go. Everyone that needed get called the come over when labor started. So it was definitely confident. I was definitely ready and having gone through some labor comfort technique training with Gina definitely made me a little bit more confident and being able to support her during the actual labor as well.
So I had some I guess, tools in my toolbox. Yes.
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Gina: And so with my second pregnancy or my second birth, I went into labor the day after my due date and was pretty similar to my first birth where I woke up with contractions at like 6 a.m. I woke up, I kind of labored by myself for a little bit because they weren’t too bad, and I waited for about an hour or so before I woke Barron up, went and in a workout, we ordered breakfast and we just kind of like labored and went for walks.
Midwives stopped in the morning to, like, check in on us because I actually had an appointment with her that day and I was like, man, it would really suck to have a car birth. On the way to my home birth, labor continued to pick up. I had a friend that came and gave me a massage and I would say around four is when we told our midwife to come back because things were starting to shift to more active labor.
And yeah, so I guess.
Tell us how the birth was from your perspective in this time being at home?
Barron: Yes. So being at home was awesome and kind of Gina hit on the initial timeline for everything. It was just really awesome being able to go for walks in our neighborhood as labor and contractions progressed, the pace that we were walking and then the number of steps we would get in and entering contractions would definitely get a little bit tighter.
So that’s kind of her remembering the last time a trip out of the house that we went was definitely going to be the last one. But it was great just being in our own home. We were comfortable with the house because it was ours. We had stairs, we had, you know, the kitchen was snacks in the labor pool set up kind of in between the kitchen and the living room.
And then our bedroom was, you know, just exactly the way Gina wanted it. I think that one of the things that I remembered was Gina had a desire to give birth in the pool. You know, we were kind of in and out of the bedroom in the living room, walking around, finding different places to labor. And once she got in the pool, stay there as long as she was comfortable.
But I think that she was at some point got nauseous and we ended up getting out and made our way back to the bedroom. And that’s kind of where I think things picked up. But I was definitely trading on and off with my sister-in-law, Roxanne, on doing head squeezes and other comfort techniques for Gina.
So we were kind of like just back and forth there and it was really exciting. There was definitely a really, really good environment, good energy. It was exactly what we had talked about and what we wanted other than Gina not being able to stay in the pool for as long as she wanted.
Gina: When I started pushing a light bulb in our bathroom actually exploded at the same time. So we kind.
Barron: Oh I remember that.
Gina: We kind of joke that whenever I’m in labor there’s just like a lot of energy that’s happening. Because even with Sophie, our most recent birth, it was in the middle of a hurricane. And so our birth assistant was joking that she knew I was going to go into labor during the hurricane because my labors just have so much energy to them.
So yeah, when I started pushing, a light bulb exploded in the bathroom. I actually don’t remember it. Roxanne brought it up to me, so when we saw when I started pushing, I was really far from the bathtub and I was just like not going to make it. And so I ended up just laying down on the bed and bare and actually got to catch our son and place him on my chest.
And that was kind of our plan was that Barron was going to catch him and place him on our chest. So like he was going to be the first one to like put his hands on our son.
And so what did it mean to you? How was it catching on?
Barron: Was super empowering. I definitely wouldn’t trade it for the world. Like, the only thing that really comes to my mind is this scene from the Disney Lion King, where Mustafa’s holding Simba up over the cliff. It’s kind of like figuratively.
Gina: It was Rafiki, the monkey.
Barron: Yeah, I guess it was Rafiki, but yeah, it was like, awesome.
Gina: Lions can’t hold them, he’s got paws.
Barron: It’s a cartoon. But yeah, they really probably have to go back and watch that one. But yeah, that was kind of all it was for me. It was it was awesome.
Gina: So how did you feel about the homebirth experience and what advice would you give to partners that are preparing for a homebirth?
Barron: I’m super supportive of it. Definitely thought it was worth doing. I think one of the biggest things is immediately after the birth and once all the initial checkups were done, we got to go to sleep in our own beds. That was amazing. Especially comparing, you know, my experiences from the hospital birth of this one. And, you know, I’m sure there are hospital births that are arguably smoother than our first one did, but it was definitely, you know, the experience that we were looking for.
I think that if you think you want a homebirth-type experience, I think the best place to do it is as home. But I think for advice on getting ready for a home is or a home birth is just to make sure you prepare your home, prepare your birth plan with your partner, but just make sure you know who to call when things start to pick up as far as labor goes.
And then also just one big thing would be if you do have a labor pool and I probably should’ve said this earlier, make sure you take it out when you first get it and inflate it and put water in it to make sure that it actually holds water and also how many holes in it. And then also, I would say, depending on your house, to make sure your hot water heater is strong enough to be able to actually get warm water into the tub and if not, like get some type of like water heaters that you can get, you know, big pots to put on the stove to heat water.
You can also go to Tractor Supply and get five-gallon buckets and water heaters for like buckets as well. You’re going to put water in the birthing pool. You may not be in it the whole time on storms or just have a way to keep it warm or add water back to it. That’s warm.
Gina: I had one client that actually had like a portable heater that was you can submerged in water to heat water, which I thought was really cool. You just plug it up. It’s electric, but it’s not electric, is it? Like a toaster? But you could heat a birth pool with that, which I thought was like really cool. She ended up actually giving birth, like, too fast, even blow up the pool.
But it was a really cool tool that he had. The other thing with the birth pool is make sure you have a hose. That’s a long enough to reach your pool from whatever facet you’re going to be using. We just used our laundry room like water attachments, and then make sure you have an adapter that can go to whatever faucet for that hose as well in regards to like preparation and like sitting down with your midwife and discussing like, hey, how should we be setting up our space?
It’s going to be really helpful. I actually just had like a notes app where I just put like all the things that I thought needed to be done the day of the birth to include like what snacks that I was like what type of like perishable foods was I hoping to have just to give like better things to do.
Because he’s like a very like hands on person. And so otherwise he’ll just like walk in circles trying to figure out, like, what to do with himself as he’s like waiting for my labor to pick up. And so I just gave him like a list and I’m like, do these things the day of my birth.
Barron: Yeah, I don’t do well in silence.
Gina: All right. So after about, like, 18 months, like a year to 18 months, I started bringing up a third kid. I don’t think that you totally knew that I wanted more than two children. I think you’re in denial about the fact that I always thought I wanted for a kid. And so we compromised, and we had a third kid and we’ve compromised again and we’re going to work it out.
So what made you want to have a third child?
Barron: So I wasn’t necessarily like wanting a third or fourth, and I just wasn’t against the I don’t know how to say that without sounding like I don’t care. I do care. I love my children. But for me, it was it was something like if we were to stop it too, I would have been fine. But I also was okay with having third.
Gina: And fourth.
Barron: And now four.
Gina: Did you feel confident doing a homebirth again?
Barron: Yeah, I think for me with the whole homebirth thing was just getting the first one out of the way was all that I needed to never want to go back to a hospital ever again.
Gina: And so, Sophie’s pregnancy was pretty uneventful. There was nothing too crazy about it. We established care with our homebirth midwife like right away. It was actually crazy that we were even able to book her during our second pregnancy because she books like the moment you pee on sticks and she just happened to not take any clients during June because she goes on vacation and our son was born in June and so she just happened to have that month open and she had canceled her trips because of COVID.
And so it was a while that we were able to book her as late as we did. And so I knew this when we were pregnant with Sophie. And so as soon as I found out that I was pregnant, I think I may or may not have told her before. I told you just because you were at work that day, and I wanted to surprise you in person.
But we established care with her like really early. It had care with her throughout the whole pregnancy. No big concerns at all. And that I went past my due date, which was super confusing because I was very confident that I was going to go really early. She planted a seed in my head where she had mentioned that another patient of hers had who normally went past her due date when it like 37 weeks.
And so I was like, Oh, that’s going to be me. It was not me.
Did you have any concerns when I went past my due date?
Barron: Honestly, you were so confident that you were going to go before that. I don’t even think that I had recognized when the actual due date was. I was just like, the baby is going to come and it’s coming early. So when she was late, I was like, Oh man. I told my work that my wife was going to go early.
And I they were like, Oh, just stay at home because we were going to be doing some training. And I would have been like basically camping for the three weeks that Gina thought that it was going to happen. So it was actually kind of like a little anxious at first that they were going to be like, Hey, dude, where is the baby at?
Because it would be like every day I’d be like, I think it’s going to happen today that it didn’t. But they were cool. It was definitely a lot better than they had been in terms of that type of support and relationship that I had with work I’m doing you know, the first experience. So I remember that with that one it was like, you know, very, very strict on when I was able to leave. This one was like really awesome.
Gina: And so just like Adeline’s birth, I went into labor at 41 and two and then gave birth the following day, but it was at like 1 a.m., so not quite as long as her labor. The night before I actually started having some contractions, I got a membrane sleep from the midwife and things started to pick up and I was like pretty excited.
And then nothing happened. And then it was just like full of despair. So I went to bed pretty early with our son and then I woke up around 4 a.m. with contractions, which was usually around the time that I woke up to pee. So I was actually like not surprised when my contractions started at that time, slept for a few more hours, and then around seven I got up and started moving around.
I think I woke you up at that point. Kind of the same things with this as I did with Eoghan’s minus this time there was a hurricane. So I woke up, I worked out, I had breakfast. At some point, the power went out. I was very distraught about the power being out because I really liked using a shower, my last labor.
And I really like hot, like scalding hot showers. So Barron did reassure me that we do have very large water heaters and that it would be fine. It would take a long time. Before I ran on the water, my midwife was even like, oh, like women have given birth without hot water for like thousands of years. And I’m like, I don’t care.
I live in this century where I have luxury in my life and I would like hot water for my birth, but the power did turn back on. And then we started to fill the pool. The birth team was arriving, but this labor was definitely a lot slower of what I was expecting. I was expecting it to be more like Eoghan’s, where it just kind of continually progressed the whole day.
It just kind of stayed the same for a really long period of time, like this early active labor where I was needing support during contractions, but it was still very like coherent and between. And I just like didn’t really know like what was happening because it was just like nothing was progressing. It felt like so around like 9 p.m. things were still the same and so my midwife did like a sweep shake some cast oil.
We did a tincture, we did like this triple thing. I don’t I can’t think of the word triple threat. We did three things to try to like really kick start things and it really worked actively. We started shortly after that and at some point I had gotten out of the pool and so you came up with the idea to put this hypothermia blanket on the pool, which we were all like, That is the best idea ever.
Like that makes so much more sense. So I guess take us from when my labor started to be more active and how that blanket was actually the worst idea we’ve ever had.
Barron: Yeah, it’s tough because even looking on it kind of made sense. What I didn’t think about was there are two parts to this. Like Blanket I sort of grab was the one that had just like the reflective side for it was like the emergency space blankets that you see that are sold at hygiene stores. This is pretty much like a industrial grade version of that.
The inside of this thing was basically like a heavy duty paper fabric.
Gina: It’s like the inside of a diaper.
Barron: Almost like the inside of a diaper. And when we put it over the the pool of the condensation, the heat that was coming off the water basically just disintegrated this into the pool. And it was just like clumps of water. So we were like the pools. Ryan, what are we going to do? So we started fishing out all this stuff out of the pool and we drain the water.
So luckily we didn’t have to test the water heaters. By this time, the power had come back on, so we were able to get everything drained out and then refill the pool. But it was definitely like I could tell that it had stalled. Whatever progress was making at the time, she was really holding out. On giving birth in the pool.
Gina: So I like didn’t get a water birth with Owen’s birth because I was in the bedroom and the pool was in the kitchen and it was really far. And so I was like, I’m going to have a water birth this time. And so I was pretty close to like feeling the urge to push. And I knew I was getting really close to that.
And so I was like, okay, I think I want to get in the pool. And then we took this blanket off the pool mirror like, and I just looked into the water and was like, What is that? And Roxann and the birth assistant were like, It’s fine. And they try to like scoop it out. And as soon as they like touch it, it just disintegrated in their hands and then that moment I knew that we were going to have to empty this pool.
And I also knew that I needed to push soon. And so I just sat down on the bed and I think cried, am I? Labor really completely stopped for the hour and a half it took to empty and then refill the pool. And then I jumped into the pool and it was fine. So how was it supporting this birth like?
What were some eventful moments for you during this labor?
Barron: The two most eventful things leading up to Sophia arriving obviously was probably the power going out. The fact that there was a hurricane going on was pretty crazy. Basically, the pool situation were probably the to the do the like kind of most memorable things for me. Other than that, as I described it, it was a little bit slower than Owens.
And I think we had kind of been through the rodeo with the homebirth, you know, once before. So I kind of knew more or less what was going on. I was definitely glad that we were able to get the the pool situation corrected. But those are probably the most two most memorable things for me.
Gina: So after the pool gets refilled, I get back into the pool. And so at this point, like my labor started around like 4 a.m., 7 a.m. and at this point it’s like almost 1 a.m.. And so I’m laboring in the pool and I like know as soon as I stand up, I’m going to start pushing. And all I can think about was how intense pushing was, Owen was.
And I was like, Oh man. And I also had this vision in my head that I was going to be this super like, serene brother. And so I told Brian that I wanted to catch the baby this time. I don’t know why I did that, but I convinced myself that it was going to be different this time and I can catch the baby.
With Owen’s birth, there was like no way that I was going to be able to, like, muster that focus to, like, do that. And so I was really glad that he caught the baby. Yet in hindsight, I wish that I told Bear to also catch Sophie. So I stand up and I’m like, All right, I need a push.
I think at that point I was like, I need to poop. And then my sister was like, It’s your baby. And I was like, No, it’s both. So I like, blurred it for the toilet bear and his, like, either led me or you were following me to the bathroom.
Barron: I think I led him.
Gina: And then he, like, holds my hands as I sit down on the toilet and I’m just like, immediately, no, immediately, no. And I continue pushing on like I’m having a water birth because my midwives like walking in with all her supplies and trinkets and I like just blend it back for the pool. I jumped back in the pool and I continue pushing there and then I guess finish the finish the story there, because I know you had a lot of thoughts that were happening.
Barron: Well, I think the biggest thing was the midwives and are there to make sure everything’s safe. Checking baby’s heart rate monitoring everything. Like I guess it just got to a point where we were not good to continue on the the pole. And so I, I knew that that was upsetting for you, but it was tough. So we ended up getting out of the pool and moved back to the bed.
And I think that was the right obviously the right call. It was close. So, so.
Gina: Close. Yeah. I think it was like two pushes. She was out. But you were saying that because the midwife did it like urge you to come catch her, that you were concerned that something was wrong?
Barron: Yeah. I mean, I did. I guess I was like the the difference was like, we probably wouldn’t talk as much about it beforehand. I should have just like, hang on catcher again. That was really cool. So I probably if I’d had one regret, it would have probably would have been that I’d had not talked about that with everybody about how, how much I really like that from first birth.
But yeah, like when, when I was kind of not asked to come in, I was like, Oh man, something going on. Which luckily was not the case. But it definitely kind of spiked my anxiety for for a second.
Gina: Yeah. When I talked to my midwife about it afterwards, you know, she asks me like, you know, was there anything you wish was different or how do you how do you feel about your birth? And I was just like, you know, I was really hoping to have a water birth this time. I guess I got to have another baby.
And she kind of explained, like, so Sophie’s heart rate just dropped a lot because she was pretty deep in my pelvis at point, like it’s normal for a baby’s heart rates to drop. But it was to a point where she was concerned that Sophie may not transition well. And it’s easier to do like and to address baby like on a firm surface.
So like on the bed as opposed to in the water where I would have had to like quickly try to get out of the pool like babies can get really cold in the water. And so she just kind of reassured me that it was like really good that I didn’t just blow her out in the pool, that we were on the bed.
And then luckily we did need any sort of resuscitation or like assistance with I’m transitioning like Sophie was like screaming as soon as she came out and was like, Good to go.
So how did this labor compared to our first homebirth experience?
Barron: I think it was. Rehm Forcing that home births were our style. I didn’t really try to compare them as much just because I knew that each pregnancy usually were, to me, different. I think the similarities between the two give me confidence and knowing what was going on. But ultimately I, I think they were both really, really great experiences and like kind of Junod said, we’re one, one step closer to to doing the the water deliveries.
So, you know, if any indication, maybe next time we’ll get it.
Gina: Third time’s the charm.
So of our three births together, what were your favorite parts?
Barron: Yeah. So this one, I would say was the same for each one was watching you hold our daughter, son and daughter for the first time. I think that those mental snapshots for me like just pure happiness.
Gina: Thank you for fathering my children. I appreciate you.
Barron: You’re welcome.
Gina: So what advice do you have to other birth partners or what advice would you give to yourself before you had any children?
Barron: Can I do a hospital birth and you know, for a do I think get a dual expression of your first and then if you have the means, you and you guys are both cool at least with it, go to talk to you and explore homebirth options as much as you can because they’re awesome.
Gina: I would definitely say of our three births like each labor, I, I feel like we bond a lot during like it’s a very like emotional and almost like romantic, like experience together. I’m not like a super like, touchy person. Like my love language is not physical. It’s very much parents love language though. But during our labor is my love language is like, you cannot touch me enough.
And so I always feel like during our labors I, I feel like our relationship grows a lot more. So that’s, that’s probably like my favorite part of labor is, is like the closeness that I feel and kind of this like experience of like working together through this a very hard and challenging event. Even though I know the and the one that is like feeling a lot of like the physical pain, like I still feel like we’re emotionally moving through it together.
I felt that with each birth, even our hospital birth with an epidural, but I definitely felt it a whole lot more with our two home births because we just were able to labor together a lot longer. We were in a safe space and then the ultimate goal was have an unmedicated birth, which tends to require a lot more support, I felt like from my partner.
So how did you feel during the labors? Like emotionally and with our relationship?
Barron: I think definitely felt connected. It’s definitely an opportunity to to grow. I would say that out of the three the by the least connected and smile honestly I felt it was during our hospital birth mainly because I felt like you were restricted to in either bed or hooked up to IV’s and, you know, I don’t know. That was it was just kind of tough.
We didn’t I just felt more like a spectator and those so in addition to not really knowing what was going on.
Gina: Yeah, I almost wonder if Louis a home birth, we felt more connected because we just had more experience with birth. Like at this point I’d been a Dula for a while. I was teaching childbirth education and and then we had our own experience with our own laborers. And then we were in an environment that was more conducive to us kind of doing what works best for us.
And so I would say that’s my favorite part about supporting births, is getting to witness this like really close emotional bond. And this like experience between two people that decided to have a baby together and seeing how like a tentative like the non birthing partner is towards the one that’s in labor and seen them like move together and labor together is like always so sweet and beautiful to watch.
Conclusion:
And so I was really glad that we got to have three of those experiences together and thank you. Thanks for joining us today and listening to this episode.
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