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Gina: Welcome to the MamasteFit Podcast Birth Story Friday. Today we have one of my doula clients who’s going to be sharing two of the births that I was very lucky to support her for.
For her first birth, we were actually planning to have a hospital birth. But then the COVID pandemic hit and so this really shifted where she felt safest giving birth.
And so there was a lot of restrictions on who could be at her birth. And so at that time, it was going to be only her husband was going to be allowed. And there was a lot of ambiguity at that point, unlike if he was even going to be allowed to go. There was a lot of like fear that was going on with the pandemic as well.
And so with two weeks to go, we managed to like secure her a home birth midwife. It was actually my midwife and it was awesome. So she was able to switch to a home birth like really last minute, which is really unheard of normally, but because of the kind of the environment and what was going on, a lot of the homebirth midwives in our area were taking on more clients to provide this out of hospital option for folks.
Precipitous Labor, What is it?
With her first birth, she did feel that she had a precipitous labor and it was definitely on the quick side for a first time birther. And so with precipitous birth, it can feel very overwhelming. Essentially, you have whatever block of labor you’re supposed to experience kind of condensed into a really short period of time and so for some folks, they can feel really out of control.
It can be very overwhelming. It can be hard to kind of process what is going on. And so while yes, they are processing and going through labor really quick, which in theory you would think would be awesome, but again, it’s this full labor timeline just kind of condensed into a really small period of time. And so it can feel very out of body in like out of control.
And so because of this, some folks will kind of be stunned after their babies are born where they kind of need a moment to like collect themselves before they can finally greet and, like, acknowledge what has just happened. And so for some folks that have precipitous labors, you may find that after your baby is born, you don’t have this immediate, like, give me my baby bond.
There may be like a few moments or like a few minutes where you just kind of need a collect yourself because it was just like a lot that you went through and that’s totally normal and totally valid and fine. So don’t think that if you don’t immediately bond with your baby right away that something is wrong, you might just need some time to kind of process like what just happened to you.
For some of my clients that are having a more precipitous labor and they don’t realize it, so you get checked and you’re like three centimeters, but you’re like, Wow, I just really feel like there’s a lot happening right now. Like, why am I not more than that? And then all of a sudden they’re feeling like an urge to push.
Just know that dilation of just a moment in time so you can progress pretty quickly from 1 to 10. You can also progress really slowly from like 8 to 10. So dilation is just a moment in time. It’s not a predictor of like when you will have your baby or how much longer you have left in labor. And so if you feel like things are progressing really quickly, a helpful thing to do, especially if you’re wanting an unmedicated birth, is before you get the epidural, ask for another vaginal exam to see if maybe you’ve just made a lot of progress in a really short period of time.
And that’s why you’re feeling very overwhelmed. And then the other thing to take note is if you do get an epidural and you are having a precipitous labor, it may still feel like there’s a lot going on. Like, wow, I just I’m not really getting any relief from this. That could also be a sign that your labors progressing really fast and that you might be meeting your baby a little bit sooner.
And so let’s get into Ashley’s stories. I’m really excited for you to hear her two stories on how she switched to a home birth and then for her second pregnancy similar to mine, where she started with a home recommend right from the beginning and kind of navigated it really different pre-natal journey with a home birth midwife.
Gina: So tell us your story. How was your pregnancy in preparing for your first birth?
Ashley: So preparing for my first birth with my daughter, Myra, it started off just clueless, you know, your first pregnancy, you’re not sure what you’re supposed to do. So I was still active duty at the time. I went to the military hospital and got the ball rolling with that OB office and there was a few miscommunication errors and I guess problems that came up with those providers that I lost faith and trust in them and I decided I did not want to go to that facility anymore.
So I started the referral process to go to a different OB off post. I went there for a while, then the pandemic started and they were telling me, We don’t know if your husband’s going to be able to go to the hospital with you. Definitely not a dollar. And I was like, What about Gina? And I was like, okay, so no doula and no husband.
Like, what am I supposed to do? So I was just full panic mode. Like, I’m sure a lot of expecting moms are. And that’s when I started asking around and got the information from Gina and another lady at the gym about the homebirth midwife in our area. And I contacted her, got an appointment with her as soon as I could, and she actually let me transfer to her at 37 weeks into my pregnancy.
So pretty much I called her and it feels like the next day I went into labor. Even though it was a couple of weeks later.
Gina: It did feel like a pretty short turnaround. I feel like she took you on as a client and then like your you went into labor like the next day. So it’s pretty wild.
In North Carolina State, there are some limitations on homebirth providers because there’s just like not that many in our area. And so it’s really uncommon for actually to be able to get a homebirth midwife at the very last minute.
And even our midwife now is like, wow, that was crazy that I did that. So there was so much panic going on with the pandemic that I think a lot of the homebirth midwives were taking on a lot of extra clients in an attempt to give people this homebirth experience that they were looking for.
Did you have any reservations on doing home birth or did you feel pretty confident this was a good decision for you and your family?
Ashley: So I felt pretty confident in the medical aspect just because my husband and myself both have a medical background in the military and we lived. I don’t know, half a mile from the hospital. So I was like, we’re okay. You know, we’re not extremely far from the next level of care. The only reservation that I do remember having that stuck out right away was my self-confidence level, because I was like, I don’t know what this is.
I’ve never had a baby, so I don’t know what to expect. I don’t know, can I do this? And I feel like I’m usually pretty confident person. But once you get to the end of your pregnancy, you feel like a completely different person. You’re like, What am I doing? Is this okay? Can I do this? And you start questioning everything.
So that was my only reservation. And then I actually went to YouTube and started watching how people make their own videos of their journeys. And there’s this one lady specifically who was like, I’m the weakest person I know. I have no pain tolerance. I can’t do this and that. But yeah, I did a homebirth, so you can too.
And I was like, All right, so maybe I’ll be all right. My husband, of course, huge support system through the whole thing and just constantly having him reassure me and he had no doubts in the whole world. He’s so calm all the time about everything. He’s just like, You’re not going to have any problems. You’ll be fine. Like, not worried at all.
So that made me feel a lot better.
Gina: So you hired our midwife because she’s both of our midwives and then you went into labor like the next day it felt like.
Tell us your birth story.
Ashley: I actually met Nancy, our midwife, for the first time when she came to our home visit, when she accepted me as a patient, you know, I ordered her birth kit right away and set up the birth space. At that time, I wasn’t sure like what all went into setting up a birth space. It’s like, here’s a table of supplies.
Like it looked kind of bleak. It was very pretty or anything. But then I got on a Pinterest and Nancy was telling me some ideas of how to set up my room. So two weeks later I went into labor, but I feel like I didn’t know if I was or not. So I was, of course, texting Jenna and Nancy a lot, saying, I just feel weird, like my lower abdomen, like I don’t know whose contraction, I can’t tell.
And then that night, maybe around 10:00, that’s when I had really bad pains. And then I had a lot of bowel movements and a lot of vomiting and a lot of pain. And then it really feels like I think my whole labor was like almost 4 hours. It was really, really quick. And so it made me almost feel like I blacked out, like I didn’t blackout physically.
I didn’t pass out or lose consciousness. But when I think back to my first homebirth, I feel like I wasn’t there because it was really fast and really kind of scary because it was the transition was super fast and I didn’t know what was going on and it was like, Hurry, get on the bed, here’s oxygen. And I was like, I don’t know, it’s happening.
Like, I feel like I just went into labor. How is she coming out already? And there’s like a lot of fear around it, but, you know, she came out beautifully and nothing was wrong and it was amazing. But I still feel like I don’t remember anything because I was extremely dehydrated and I lost not a lot of blood.
But Nancy was saying is like a good amount. But with the vomiting and diarrhea, I remember I couldn’t stand up after I gave birth to her. Like I couldn’t walk to the bathroom when I couldn’t, like, stand at all without almost passing out. So, yeah, her birth was insidious, and it was like fast and furious and I’m like, I blacked out.
I don’t know what happened. I just was like, My baby’s here.
Was there anything that you did in preparation for your birth that you felt like really helped you like be able to manage like a very fast labor?
Ashley: I think definitely working out the whole pregnancy pretty much as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I started just like a Google search and that’s how I found MamasteFit. And I started Gina’s prenatal workout program, like right away, actually. And I think doing that really, really helped keep my stamina and strength for being able to go through labor and birth at home.
But preparation, I know like mentally the hypnobirthing.
Gina: Yeah, yeah.
Ashley: I didn’t do like official hypnobirthing like I just said, like birth affirmations, like I didn’t fall. I don’t know if it was exactly hypnobirthing, but I just looked at birth affirmations that I listened to over and over and over when I was feeling really anxious, like a couple of days before going into labor, I would just lay in bed and listen to those and I’d say, like, my baby is safe.
Like my body knows how to give birth. Like my baby will come at exactly the right time, like all those things over and over. And that really helps mold me out and let go of my anxiety.
Did you have any visions for your birth that came to fruition or you look back and you were like, That was never going to happen?
Ashley: I did vision like something slow, right? Because everybody’s like, Oh, you’re in labor for 1000000 hours and then you push for five more million hours. And I’m like, Oh, wow. Okay, so, so a really long time I had, you know, I think I did have like cooler drinks and cooler food upstairs because I was like, nobody’s going to be running back up and down the steps.
And, like, I could see everything happening in my head, like, very slow and, like, magical. Like, you know, you watch all these home birth videos of people, like, just swaying in the water gently with, like, their older kids rubbing their head in. Like, I feel like I had nothing, like, really mystical, magical about the first one just because it was so fast and it felt violent, but almost like at the end was almost kind of traumatic.
So I was like, Holy cow. Like, I was just sucked into this tornado and I’ve no idea what happened, but my baby’s here. And for some reason, I still kept thinking like, Are you sure she’s okay? Are you sure she’s okay? Just because she had a few abnormal findings on her anatomy scan, but then those resolved. But I kept thinking back to the anatomy scan and the abnormal blood work.
I was like, Are you sure she’s okay? Like, don’t leave like. But yeah, she was fine. I just thought it was going to be a lot slower and kind of more peaceful and it was so.
Gina: Fast forward to your second pregnancy. Did you prepare pretty similarly or did you have a different type of preparation? I mean, you had a career change and now you have a toddler.
How was your second pregnancy and birth prep?
Ashley: So my second pregnancy was everything just flew by. When you’re chasing a toddler down. And then I left active duty to stay home with my kids, which was amazing. Best decision ever. But I feel like I prepped the same way as far as taking care of my self, physically and mentally. But one of the big differences I was so caught up in day to day life, I was like, Oh, I’m almost 39 weeks pregnant.
I haven’t set up my birth space. Jane actually came over. I was like 38 weeks and she’s like, You don’t have anything set up. I was like, Oh, I forgot. Like, you just get so busy. And then I also in the back of my head, I knew I didn’t want to let go of my now three year old of Myra being my only baby.
Like I was, of course, excited to welcome her brother into the world. But I was like, Oh, she’s not going to be my baby anymore. I’m not ready for this baby anymore to come out. But I guess he’s coming. So I got to set this table up and I got to hang up my lights and get everything going with David with my second.
I definitely made the birth space prettier and more relaxing, and I added a lot more to it, like lights and trickling fountains and more aroma. And it seemed like a spa setting. I really I really liked it. And then his birth was actually the slower, peaceful, longer birth that I envisioned in my head what happened with my first.
So that was exciting and I feel like I was way more present with David’s birth because it was slower, because I had time to be present instead of just being like, I can’t stop throwing up. I can’t see everything’s blurry. Like it was definitely more enjoyable of an experience because I got to be in every moment and I was okay.
I wasn’t like, I have no idea what’s happening. I wasn’t in that panic mode that I felt like I was in the whole time with my first. So that was an amazing feeling.
Gina: So how was we’ll get into your birth story in a little bit more detail, but what was the difference in between your prenatal care, between having primarily like hospital based prenatal care for your first pregnancy and then working from a home birth midwife from like day one? Because in our area, you have to hire Nancy, like the moment that you find out that you’re pregnant or the way she books up.
How was the difference between prenatal care this time?
Ashley: So my second time around, you know, I called Nancy right away when I got the positive pregnancy test and I got on her schedule. And then she’s I got to go to her backup OB provider in Raleigh. And I didn’t have to switch a bunch like I did with my first. The backup care was fine. I just would go there for labs and an ultrasound, but they actually closed like, Oh, I don’t remember now.
I was like 35 weeks is right before my GBS swab. They were just like, we’re just closing our clinic. And I was like, Oh, okay. And so thankfully Nancy was really good friends with the midwives out of family practice up in Raleigh. And that family practice clinic took us in to be the backup providers to run the labs and X-rays and things like that.
But doing all my prenatal care with Nancy the second time around was so relaxing and so comforting because she just has this aura around her. She just makes you feel like you’re the most amazing family on earth and that you’re doing the most amazing thing and you’re just so excited and so relaxed every time you see her. We actually did one of our prenatal visits outside.
She didn’t have the keys to her office, and so we drove to one of her properties nearby where her and her husband were building a house. And so we got to lay a blanket on the ground and do the exam and do everything outside. And having my daughter at every single visit and she would always do the gel and the Doppler with Nancy and hold it and listen to the baby’s heartbeat.
And Nancy would just explain everything to her. Like, it’s just it makes you just melt into a puddle every visit and you could spend over an hour with your midwife every visit, which is amazing versus the 2 minutes. I was lucky if I got with the OB previously with my first pregnancy. So huge, huge difference.
Gina: So it sounds like just the difference between your opinion of care and preparation for birth. Your second pregnancy was just so much more relaxed and calm. You had the same provider the whole time. Like you’re you feel probably felt more heard during your appointments compared to your first pregnancy where you’re kind of switching to a bunch of different providers.
We have this whole pandemic that’s happening, so I can kind of see why your births were a little bit more chaotic versus more peaceful.
Tell us your second birth story.
Ashley: So my second birth with Davey, it started off almost the same where I was like, Yeah, these are contractions. But I had a lot of Braxton Hicks or warm up, as Nancy would call it with him. I had warm up with him since 30 weeks, so I was like, up another day and warm up. I started timing them because although this was a lot of warm up and it’s happening like these contractions are happening more frequent and I remember timing them and like sending to Jenna and Jane, I was like, Wow, that’s why I can’t remember what you said.
Now you’re just like, warm up early labor. She’s I got some very significant and warm up because I was like, is this still warm up? I don’t know what’s going on. But so his was slower, so I guess it was warm up or early labor for about half the day. And then in the early afternoon that’s when I called and was like, Yeah, I think you guys need to come over because they’re starting to get a lot stronger and I’m starting to get a little worried.
I could tell when I’m starting to feel a little bit worried, then I know it’s really picking up. Not quite to transition yet, but just feeling like nobody’s here. What if something happens? Where’s Dean and where is Nancy?
Gina: So I found the text that you sent me. So you’re like Nancy said, warm up or labor? L.L. minus one station 90% of face four centimeters. She said, just keep checking in with her. And I was like, That’s pretty good for a warm up.
Ashley: That’s like, that’s right. She checked me first and then I was like, Gina, Nancy says, it’s still warm because that’s just how calm Nancy is, because, you know, she probably has seen that tons of times before. So she’s like, yep, could be warm up. And I’m like, okay. And then she’s, she’s got to go feed her chickens and she’ll be back.
And so I was like, All right, all right, I can do this. I can wait until she gets back from feeding her chickens. But she doesn’t even by doing that, by going and running an errand, she just makes you relax. You’re like, okay, she’s not worried. I’m not worried. Right? So it was way more relaxed and way more enjoyable.
I did have a harder time. I feel like endurance wise because it was so much longer. Even though I still worked out quite a bit through that, that pregnancy, maybe I didn’t work out as much because I was busy with my toddler, but I remember not wanting to stand, you know, I just wanted to stay down on my knees rocking her on all fours.
And Nancy and Jenna were like, You need to stand up. Like, you need to stand up like you need to do lunges. And I was like, Tell me, do a lunge one more time. And up again, like, oh. So I feel like my stamina definitely wasn’t as strong for that long of a labor, but I mean, I did it so it worked.
Obviously. So I just had to do way more positioning with Myra. She was coming out without any positioning, without. I could have just laid there in a ball and she would have just flown out. I feel like. But with Davey I had to do all sorts of different positions to get him to further descend. So thankful that I had the birth team I did otherwise I feel like those are the type of labors that could have the potential to stall out and get other interventions.
But thankfully you guys were telling me all the different positions to keep getting into, to get in there, keep dropping down.
Gina: Yeah, you did awesome. At one point, you kept rocking in to the same hip over and over again, which was like my big clue that you were going to start pushing soon. So whenever I see someone like repeatedly rock into like their left leg where they’re like really favoring it, that’s usually like one of my clues like, oh, we’re probably going to see a baby too.
And then we did, which was always like very fun for that to be like confirmed for me.
Ashley: Yes, that was amazing.
What were some things that made both your birth experiences like a really positive experience for you?
Ashley: A really positive experience. Just being able to find a provider and to find a home for it, not just for one provider, but the whole birth team and my husband and a partner that solely listens to you and is on board with what you feel like is right and what you want to do. Because at the end of the day, you’re the person with the baby inside of you, with the instincts of what you feel like needs to happen.
So you really need to surround yourself with a team that believes you and a team that will listen to you to make you feel comfortable and help you however you need it. And having that amazing support system and that team made it a completely positive experience. I didn’t have any, you know, anybody like people will complain about their nurse or OB or somebody.
I didn’t have a negative person in my circle, like I didn’t have anybody interrupting my circle like to bring in any type of negativity or to, I guess, worry me or anything. So that just made that birth team really made everything completely positive.
Was there anything that you wish you better understood before your birth or wish you had done differently for either of them?
Ashley: I remember with my first birth, I wish I understood better the transition period and pushing because I remember when I was pushing, I kept second guessing myself a lot. Like, Do I breathe like this? Do I do this? And I feel like I was just my fault because I could have rewatched like the lessons and the videos and like the book that I had from you, because I remember, I think I might have taken your course a little bit too early because your course had everything in it for a childbirth prep.
But then I was like, I forgot everything. Oh no, I just felt like I forgot everything and I didn’t know what to do, but I mean, you guys obviously were telling me what to do. I just I guess I wanted to see in that moment in time, I wanted to see like a diagram in my head of what was happening and how to do it, because I was just overthinking, like way to overthinking.
I should have just pushed exactly what you were saying, how you’re saying to push like and not overthought it, but I was like, Oh, man, I should have like studied this more. Like, I was just like, Oh, man. And then as far as like the actual birth process, I don’t think there is anything there’s nothing that really came to my mind that I wish I better understood just because I trusted you guys so much.
And I had Josh there and I just felt like I didn’t need anything else.
Gina: What advice do you have for others that are trying to decide if they want to have a homebirth or maybe their partner’s feeling hesitant?
What advice would you give to yourself when you were kind of in your different birth preparation situations?
Ashley: Advice I have is don’t lose confidence in yourself, especially like I thought I was pretty confident individual. But as soon as I got my third trimester pregnancy, I felt like I had no confidence in anything. I was like, Is this the right shoe for my foot? Like, I don’t know. Like I felt like I didn’t know anything. So don’t lose confidence in yourself because you were chosen to have this baby for a reason.
And you have instincts for a reason, like that’s how you are made. So that’s why you feel certain ways. So don’t second guess your instincts and don’t lose your confidence. And then as far as it goes with advice to the partners, I know my husband has gotten a lot of flack from his buddies. Like how, you know, I would never do that.
We can’t do that, like stuff like that. And he’s like, I trust my wife and I trust my midwife and I trust Gina. And like, I believe that she can do it. Like, he had more confidence in me than I’ve ever had in myself. So I would say just having that trust with your partner. And then also you can encourage them saying, I can do this, I know I can do this.
And as long as you have the right birth team surrounding you, it’s going to be a great experience for everybody.
Gina: Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Ashley. For one, letting me support you during two of your births. I hope I could be there for all of your future ones as well. And thank you so much for sharing your story on our podcast.
Ashley: Yeah, no problem. Oh, actually, I’m sorry. I forgot one little piece of advice I wanted to add in. No one should ever miss the opportunity to feel the extremely intense power in the love of bringing your baby earth aside. As long as you obviously can control it. There’s some things you can’t control that come up, but if you can control it, then don’t purposefully skip out on that opportunity to go through the experience of bringing your baby to this side.
Gina: I love that. Thank you so much for sharing your story with our listeners and I hope you have a great day. Thanks, guys.
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