In this blog, we will be sharing the transcript from Laura’s two unmedicated hospital birth stories!
During her first birth, she went into spontaneous labor and then had SROM (spontaneous rupture of membranes), which means her water broke during labor and then it was a pretty quick birth from there.
Her second birth was very different where she started with PROM (prelabor rupture of membranes), which means her water broke before labor began and it was a little bit slower of a process because baby was posterior. The midwife helped to rotate baby and then labor was pretty quick from then.
Gina: We have Laura, one of our employees, and Fangirls, who is going to be sharing her two birth stories that I very, fortunately, got to be her doula for. So thank you, Laura, for being here. Let’s start with your first pregnancy.
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How did you prepare for birth?
Well, so immediately after I took the positive test, I went on the advice of my co-teacher at the time because I was a classroom teacher who told me honestly, months before I even got pregnant, to find a midwife. She said, find a midwife, don’t go the regular traditional doctor route. A midwife tends to be more supportive, and more attentive, just like she was just singing the praises of the idea of a midwife, which is something I’d never even considered before she said that.
But I trusted this woman implicitly. She had been like a mentor to me on so many different levels. So I sought out a midwife in the city that I live in and there weren’t really many in the game, but the one I found, I ended up loving. So I had my midwife on lock and I was super excited.
And one morning, she's just bragging up a storm that she found a doula, this really awesome doula who was also former military and just, like, the coolest person ever. And I was like, that's nice. I have a midwife, so, like, my witchcraft is covered. I have the sorcerer. I don't need a doula.
And then another coworker, Megan, who lives out by you guys because I actually don’t live near you. I live an hour and a half away in a completely different city. Megan was commuting to work at the school that I was working at from the area you guys live in and just doing this crazy long drive every day like a psychopath.
And she was also pregnant and do almost exactly the same time, like, a week or so before me. So we would meet early before school started and go for this little pregnancy walks around campus. And one morning, she’s just bragging up a storm that she found a doula, this really awesome doula who was also former military and just, like, the coolest person ever.
And I was like, that’s nice. I have a midwife, so, like, my witchcraft is covered. I have the sorcerer. I don’t need a doula.
I didn’t even really know what the difference was between a midwife and a doula, but I figured it wasn’t something I needed, so I was kind of, like, tuning her out.
And then her next sentence was, she also does fitness programming, like, prenatal fitness programming. It’s legit. And I was like, okay, now you have my attention.
Because working out was not just a hobby. It was, like, part of my identity before being pregnant. And then you get pregnant, and it’s so conflicting. You Google what’s safe to do, and it’s enough to make your head spin, right?
So, you got, like, don’t lift anything over 20 pounds and don’t do anything that involves your abdominals, which is, like, everything. Your core is involved in everything. So, it’s just really overwhelming.
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And I was like, this can’t be right. Like, women for millennia were plowing fields and stopped to have a baby and then went back to work. We must be able to move and work and stay fit and stay well. And so, when she said that you had all this programming and it had, like, barbell work and dumbbell work and just, like, real exercises in it, I started to look you up. And so, I found that there were not a lot of things out there similar to MamasteFit.
It was just such a unique program, and it was legit exercise. It was, like, real working out, and you could throttle it back to whatever level you needed it to be at. But for me, I could go on kind of this harder core level than I thought that I would be able to find with all of the modifications and all the information I needed to make sure that I was doing it safely. So, I felt just, like, so good about that.
It was just such a unique program, and it was legit exercise. It was, like, real working out, and you could throttle it back to whatever level you needed it to be at.
But for me, I could go on kind of this harder core level than I thought that I would be able to find with all of the modifications and all the information I needed to make sure that I was doing it safely. So, I felt just, like, so good about that.
And I was able to do it from home because, again, I didn’t live close enough to come to the gym that you had at that time. So, yeah, I started working out at home, and I was feeling really good about it. I started at about 15 weeks, so I had just gotten into the second trimester and had energy and stuff again and just did everything from afar and would hear about you from Megan from time to time, but had no actual physical connection with you.
I mean, other than kind of stalking you on Instagram, which is absolutely what you’re referring to as fan girling out. Because what ended up happening is we were at a wedding for a mutual friend.
Choosing to Hire a Doula (aka Gina)
It was actually my husband’s friend was marrying your husband’s friend. And so you were at the wedding with your daughter. I had never met you before, but I had spent a lot of time looking at your Instagram page.
So I’m sitting at my table like, “babe, babe, I think that that’s her. I think that’s the Gina.” Can you please and at this wedding, they had a seating chart posted up by the bar where I had all the names of all the people at the tables.
And I was like, okay, how do we discreetly go stare at that seating chart until I can find the name of the person sitting at that table over there and let me see if that’s the name of the person who runs MamasteFit. And sure enough, it was Gina Conley.
I start texting Megan. I’m like, I think I’m looking at her like, you would think I was in the room with, like, a Hollywood celebrity, which is totally how it felt to me. And Megan’s like, just go say hi. And I’m like, no, I can’t. She doesn’t know me. It’s weird. And she’s like, please, this is weird. You need to just go be a person.
So I approached you. I think you had just started nursing your daughter, too. And I was like, oh, God, is it okay for me to walk up to her? But obviously you weren’t bothered by it.
So I came and pulled up a chair and was like, hi, I’m pregnant, and I don’t feel uncomfortable at all, and it’s totally because of you. And I just want to say thank you.
And you’re like, hello. Who are you? What are you talking about?
We did the hospital, like, the mandatory hospital one, which was two full days, like, eight hour days at the hospital. And I learned more in 4 hours with you than I did at the hospital by a landslide. Like, it's embarrassing how little they covered in my hospital class.
And I just kind of, like, verbal diarrhea how I found you and just everything that I just said, basically. And you were like, cool, cool, tight, I’m doing a birth education class tomorrow, which is something I didn’t even know that you did it’s in person. It’s at my gym, which, yes, is like, 90 minutes from here. But you and your husband should come to that. Like, absolutely, you should be there. So, I marched back to my table and told my husband we’d be attending a birth education class in Southern Pines the following day. And he was like, whatever. Cool. Sure. The day after a wedding. Perfect.
I was just going to say I wasn’t, like, being able to have a crazy good time at that wedding, so I was ready to be up early the next morning and go learn about what was happening inside of my body, because I really found out during that class that I had no idea.
Like, I was woefully under prepared. And I think most of us are, sadly, at least in our country, in our culture, you don’t get a lot of info about any of that, which is so crazy to me.
And so, we attended your class, which was, if I’m not mistaken, it was, like, 4 hours long, and it was over the course of one day, and I learned more in those 4 hours than I did in the hospital course we took.
We did the hospital, like, the mandatory hospital one, which was two full days, like, eight hour days at the hospital. And I learned more in 4 hours with you than I did at the hospital by a landslide. Like, it’s embarrassing how little they covered in my hospital class. I actually walked up at the end with a list of questions that I only knew to ask because of your class.
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And the instructor was like, oh, my God, how did you know to even ask this? This is so impressive. And I was like, because I went to a different birth education class that was way better than this one. So, yeah, I was just blown away. I was blown away by what I learned.
And I learned that among many different ways that you support the situation, one of your kind of specialties empowering the partner in that situation. And that was like, whoa, okay. So, we hadn't heard any role that was going to kind of have Chris's back. So my husband, Chris, was very much left out of every conversation that we'd had with every provider, and everybody kind of, like, hones in on the mom and dad or whoever the partner is just like a warm body in the room, is kind of how they're treated.
But I also, in that class, learned what a doula even does, because, like I said earlier, I had no idea what was different about you versus what a midwife would do. And I learned that among many different ways that you support the situation, one of your kind of specialties empowering the partner in that situation. And that was like, whoa, okay.
So, we hadn’t heard any role that was going to kind of have Chris’s back. So my husband, Chris, was very much left out of every conversation that we’d had with every provider, and everybody kind of, like, hones in on the mom and dad or whoever the partner is just like a warm body in the room, is kind of how they’re treated.
So this was the first time that somebody was saying, hey, you’re a part of this situation, and you’re a really important part of this situation, and you need to know what the deal is and how to advocate for your partner when she’s at a point where she’s not thinking straight and they’re asking her pretty serious questions.
Basically, we at that point, both fell in love with you and left your class. And Chris was like, we need to hire her immediately. We need a doula, and we need that one. Yeah, well, it’s just again, I had an image in my mind of just a very sort of different kind of personality, one that I didn’t think would really be able to kind of command a room or either of us, because we’re kind of big personalities but that was not Gina.
Gina’s very like, no bullshit or straight to the point, but a huge part of your personality that we were very drawn to.
So, yeah, I think I texted you a day or two later and said, can you be my doula? Where do I sign? What do I do? How much do I give you? I’ll do anything just to secure you for February. Actually, my due date was your birthday, and you were like, yeah, cool, we can do that.
So then I was like, cool, I have my team in place. I’ve got my midwife, I’ve got a doula. My husband knows what to do, I know what to do. We’re going to do this. It’s going to be great. So that was pretty much the preparation going into the birth.
Navigating the end of her first pregnancy
Gina: So how was the end of your pregnancy? So you secured Gina, who is me, the doula in the area. The doula.
Roxanne: Let’s praise Gina and tell her how amazing.
Gina: I’m a little sad that you don’t consider me a sorceress, though, because that seemed like a really cool title.
Laura: No, that’s the thing, is I do consider you a sorceress. But I figured I have a sorceress. Like, you can do only two sorceresses. That’s too much power. I was wrong. You cannot have enough power.
Gina: How was the end of your first pregnancy?
Laura: I don’t remember being extremely physically uncomfortable like a lot of people say. And again, I attributed that to the programming. I do remember the comments that other people were making in those last couple of weeks of that third trimester. We had this German woman who worked at the school with me who burst into my classroom and yelled, wow, you’re more baby than Laura at this point. And I was like, Cool. Cool. Thank you. I’m not self conscious at all about feeling like a huge house of a person.
And then I was walking down the sidewalk and the Spanish teacher was like, hey, how are you feeling? Because I apparently had a distinct waddle that made her think that I might not be waiting too much longer to meet my child.
And then at one point, I started retaining water. I think that was around like 36, 37 weeks. My ankles were swelling pretty bad. And I remember walking up to Megan and she looked down and saw my ankles and my socks, like, restricting the skin in my body and was like, you need to go sit down. Like, she was very concerned.
So, I started to realize that it was, like, getting close to go time. But I can’t say that I felt super terrible pregnancy-wise.
Now, there were three of us at the school that were all due around the same time, and that was Megan was one of them, and Rachel was the other one. And maybe this is a good time to quickly mention that I have a podcast with the two of them. So if anybody here is familiar with Montessori moms in the wild, it’s the three of us all started. That because we were going through this journey at the same time, which definitely bonds people.
So they both went into labor the two weeks leading up to me going into labor. And they both went early. And I was like, I just started to have this feeling like I might go early too.
And that’s when I realized that that might be a problem because I had been really sick with this weird respiratory thing where I had just not been sleeping for like, two weeks at that point. I had gotten really, really bad sleep. Every time I went to lay down, I was just, like, hacking my lungs up, and I couldn’t figure out what it was.
So realizing that I might be close to having a baby, I went to a doctor and was like, what is even safe for me to take? And they actually were not comfortable with me taking anything. So I figure I was exactly 38 weeks on that day, and I was like, okay, in a couple more days, I’m going to go see my midwife, and I’ll just ask them what I can take that would be safe to take.
So right at 38 weeks, I go see the doctor. I got to figure out how to sleep because that’s going to be paramount in me having any kind of easy birth, quote, unquote. I just know that sleep and nutrition and hydration are really big factors in your mental stamina and physical, too. So I just desperately wanted to get sleep, and there was nothing that they could give me to help me sleep.
So, a couple of days go by, and it’s the day that I have to see the midwife.
Laura's First Birth Story
And this kicks off the birth story because that day I woke up and was feeling some really weird sensations. It was almost like a kind of mild period cramp, which is something I hadn’t felt in many, many months.
And I realized throughout the morning as I’m getting ready for school that it’s like every 20 minutes or so that I’m feeling this cramp. So, I’m like, everybody says that you go past your due date with your first. Even though I had two friends that just went early, I was still thinking, I’ll probably go past my due date. This is probably Braxton Hicks, which I hadn’t experienced, but the other two had it’s probably just practice, don’t get ahead of yourself.
And I headed to school, and I just worked the whole day and just kept track of the fact that I was still feeling these weird things every 20 minutes. And my co teacher was like, well, could be something, could not be anything at all, but just, like, keep paying attention. And I was like, okay, cool. I’m going to see the midwife after school. So I’ll ask her about it, I get to my appointment.
And also at that point, I thought I maybe had lost my mucus plug, but I wasn’t sure. So I literally took a picture of it in the toilet and brought all this information to the midwife and was like, here’s everything I’m feeling. Here’s this picture. Here’s what’s going on? What’s happening?
And she was like, oh, honey, you’re not having a baby anytime soon. You need to go home. You need to get some sleep. Like, take this kind of cough medicine, this kind of safe, eat some food, pass out, like, just get comfortable being uncomfortable. And I was like, great.
So, we leave the midwife and go to CVS to pick up this cough medicine. And as I’m waiting in the car for my husband to get back, I realize that those period cramp things are coming way more frequently.
So, I downloaded an app that’s meant for timing contractions and found that they’re like, every five minutes now, and they’re sticking around for a little bit longer, and they’re a little bit more noticeable. So, I’m like, okay, but I just left my midwife. My midwife just told me I’m not having a baby anytime soon. What is happening? Why is this feeling so intense if this isn’t what I think it is?
So, things are picking up. They’re, like, every five minutes apart, and they’re lasting for, like, about a minute. I was still able to focus on what my husband was saying when he got in the car as we were driving home, and I was still able to focus on what I wanted to order for dinner, which was Chinese food, of course.
And I’m trying to just like I’m remembering what you talked about in class and thinking, okay, if I’m this coherent still, then I’m probably in maybe at best, early labor. So, there’s really no reason to turn around and go right back to the hospital. There’s no need to rush anything.
I remember you talking about kind of like, labor in the comfort of your own home for as long as you can if you’re going to a hospital. So, I figure, well, we’ll just go home and see what happens. So, we go home, and I eat. I take the cough medicine that’s supposed to make me super sleepy, and by, like, 830, I’m like, all right, throw in the towel. I’m going to bed.
I had ten kids out sick that day, so I knew all kinds of stuff was going around. And the more that I could sleep, the better I would feel.
So, I tried to go lay down. By 1030, I stood straight back up and was like, yeah, I’m not sleeping. There was no getting comfortable. I couldn’t lay down. I couldn’t sit down. All I wanted to do was sway back and forth, just side to side. And I again remembered from your class, like, your body’s going to start intuitively doing things to move that baby through the pelvis. And I was like, okay, I’m going to go get Chris, who had been kicked out while sleeping on a couch somewhere else in the house because I needed the entire bed for my pregnancy pillow. I had, like, a whole nest set up there.
And I was like, hey, wake up. I cannot sleep. And he’s like, okay, all right, let me call Gina. So, he called you at that point, and you were like, well, basically, same thing. It could be something. It could be a long time before it’s something. So, I’m not going to leave my area yet. I don’t think you should leave your area yet.
It was the most obvious thing. It was like in the movies, which, again, they tell you is not what's going to happen. Everybody's like, it's not like the movies. It could be super, super subtle. You might think you accidentally peed yourself a little bit, and it just kind of keeps happening for a long time. But this was so, so obvious.
And I think you may be reminded us at that point that it was always an option to put on a breast pump and just see if that kind of, like, stimulates things a little bit more because it releases all that oxytocin and it’s a labor hormone and all that stuff.
So, I went and got the pump and put it on. At this point, it’s like, maybe 1145. It was on for a grand total of, like, seven, eight minutes.
And my water just exploded like a water balloon popping. It was the most obvious thing. It was like in the movies, which, again, they tell you is not what’s going to happen. Everybody’s like, it’s not like the movies. It could be super, super subtle. You might think you accidentally peed yourself a little bit, and it just kind of keeps happening for a long time. But this was so, so obvious.
So, I jumped in the shower, and Chris again got out his phone and was like, hey, Gina. So, her water just broke. And you’re like, are you sure? And we’re like, oh, we’re sure. And you’re like, okay, are you more comfortable or less comfortable now? Did things get more intense or less intense?
And as I’m standing in the shower for that initial minute that the water hit me, I was like, oh, God, no. I feel way better. This is great. I don’t even think I’m in labor at all anymore. And then this huge pressure set in. Like, obviously my water broke and my child then descended into the spot that it had been in, that little sack had been in, and it was way more intense. So, he’s like, it’s getting more intense. And you were like, all right, well, I suggest you guys grab your hospital bag. I’m going to head your way, and I’ll meet you there, and we’ll just see what they have to say
Making it to the hospital: Active Labor
So we headed to the hospital. It took at least an hour before they even came to see me in Triage. I think they very much had that, like, you’re a first-time mom. You think your water broke. You think you’re in labor. You think you’re having a baby. You’re probably not. And it just was like, no sense of urgency around it.
So, I’m just super uncomfortable swaying back and forth, answering the same set of questions. I feel like four different people came in and asked me the same questions about my medical history and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They did. They took my vitals. And at that time, I actually had, like, a low-grade fever, so they decided they would swab me for the flu because this was late January, so it’s flu season.
My midwife at that point, I think, did swing through and was like, we have to swab you because of the elevated temperature, but I’m sure it’s not the flu. Like, I’m sure you’re fine.
So eventually, somebody did actually check me, give me, like, a cervical exam, and they were like, whoa, okay, yeah. So, your water definitely broke. You are 80% Effaced, and you are 8 CM dilated, and you are going to a room right now.
I remember as I was walking towards the room, somebody told me, hey, your doulas here. And I was, like, looking at the clock, trying to figure out how you physically got there fast.
And I think you actually technically got there before my midwife came to see me. And she was working in the hospital, and you came an hour and a half away.
So, I was like, wow, she’s the real deal. See, that’s why you need double. Sorcery I got to the room, and you’re like, hey, guys, what’s up? Just hanging out in the corner again.
I remember they had the birthing ball, right, the big stability ball, and I was like, I’m going to bounce on the ball, and I’m going to try all these different positions, and they have a peanut ball, and I’m going to labor this way and that way.
And I had in my mind all these really cool ideas but turns out I didn’t want to sit on anything. I didn’t want to lay down. I just wanted to sway back and forth.
And then like an hour into that, all I wanted to do was get in the shower. I just felt like hot water would just fix everything if I could just get in, like, really hot water.
So luckily, the shower in that room did have really nice hot water. And I just remember standing in there, holding on to the bar that’s on the side of the shower and just rocking back and forth and back and forth, and my husband standing very nervously next to me, like, you’re doing great, you’re doing great.
Pushing!
Again, I had envisioned pushing in all these different cool positions, and I was actually trying to avoid laying down in the bed because I remember learning that it can kind of prevent your tailbone from moving out of the way, which can kind of make things a little more complicated than they need to be. But it was all happening so fast, and she said push, so I pushed. And it was a total of six minutes. It was four pushes; I believe were the statistics on that. And my daughter was out.
And I remember you and my midwife standing in the doorway watching me. And I don’t know how long I was in the shower for, but at one point, finally, my midwife said, “I think that we should check you now. How do you feel about that?” And I was like, I don’t care. I guess I was already 8 effaced. However, many hours before that a couple of hours before that. Not too many. Maybe 2 hours, 3 hours at the most. But let’s see. Maybe I made some progress.
And actually, what prompted me to agree to that was that I started to feel that fetal ejection reflex. That’s what it’s called, right?
Gina: Yeah. You started bearing down in the shower, and I was like, are you pushing?
Laura: If so, yeah, I started to feel that a shower birth could happen, but maybe the bed, right? So, I remembered you talking about that in the class, but I had no idea how intense it was going to be. Like, it was really, really strong. And so, I felt that and was kind of like, whoa.
That was the first time that I just didn’t feel like I was entirely in control of what my body was doing anymore. Because up until that point, I didn’t get that kind of sleepy, drunk feeling. I don’t remember being disoriented. I didn’t get crazy emotional. I wasn’t yelling at my husband that this was all his fault, like all the things that you kind of see in a typical depiction of labor and birth. But I was pretty calm and felt pretty in control about it all. I remember thinking, like, that it was really, really uncomfortable, but that it was manageable, that I could do this, that it was manageable.
But then that bearing down, that spontaneous bearing started, and I was like, okay, what is this? This feels like somebody should check and just see what’s going on, because I feel like I should push with it. But I remember being a little bit worried about doing that because if I wasn’t ready yet, then I figured that this would be like, I don’t know, more tearing, more just trauma to the area than is necessary.
So, when the midwife offered to check me and you agreed that it was a good idea to do that because I know, again, kind of the doula is usually the one who’s there advocating for as little intervention as possible. So, if you and she both were like, let’s just see what’s going on, then I was like, all right, let’s see what’s going on.
So, I got up on the bed, and I remember her very quickly saying, okay, yeah, you are 100% effaced. You are 10 CM dilated, and that is hair. So, if you want to push with the next contraction, go for it.
Again, I had envisioned pushing in all these different cool positions, and I was actually trying to avoid laying down in the bed because I remember learning that it can kind of prevent your tailbone from moving out of the way, which can kind of make things a little more complicated than they need to be. But it was all happening so fast, and she said push, so I pushed. And it was a total of six minutes. It was four pushes; I believe were the statistics on that. And my daughter was out.
And I remember the midwife using the verbiage she torpedoed out. So, I guess it was as fast as it felt for me, was as fast as it was on the receiving end, too. And she was born and yeah, it was crazy. I mean, it was so fast. From being checked into triage to holding my daughter in my arms for the first time was all so fast. And I remember the staff even being like, we didn’t get a chance to even help you or do anything for you. That was way faster than we thought it was going to be. And I’m like, yeah, me too. But I was really pleased with it. I was very happy.
Testing Positive for the Flu: Pre-COVID Times
Oh, I skipped the part where the flu swab came back positive. So, in the middle of all of that laboring, my room basically went on lockdown, and everybody all of a sudden had masks and PPE. And it was like I mean; it was like it became in COVID times.
But again, this was January of 2020, so it was actually a couple of weeks early for all of that. So, it was rare that someone would give birth like wearing a mask, but that’s what happened because I had the flu.
Everybody was on super, super precaution, including you, because you were pregnant. Everybody was like, oh, God, great. This room is now toxic. And I felt like a leper, but I also felt like a champion because I just shot that baby right out, even with the flu and whatever this weird respiratory thing was that I had had for weeks on end that nobody could diagnose.
And yeah, it was just really trippy, but it went kind of exactly how I had hoped that it would go, just much faster than I assumed that it would be.
Reflecting on her first pregnancy and birth
I learned not to necessarily believe everybody else about how they say that it's going to be right, because everybody said you'll go past your due date. Everybody said labor will be like two days long. Everybody said, you're going to push forever. You won't know when your water will break. Right. Like, all of these things, I was guaranteed, basically, because it's what everybody else experienced. And then I learned that that's not necessarily going to be the case for everybody, and it wasn't for me.
Laura: So basically, with my first pregnancy and my first delivery, I learned not to necessarily believe everybody else about how they say that it’s going to be right, because everybody said you’ll go past your due date.
Everybody said labor will be like two days long. Everybody said, you’re going to push forever. You won’t know when your water will break. Right. Like, all of these things, I was guaranteed, basically, because it’s what everybody else experienced.
And then I learned that that’s not necessarily going to be the case for everybody, and it wasn’t for me. So, yeah, that was my first baby.
Gina: I remember after you gave birth, and you’re, like, holding your baby, and I’m like, I don’t think I did anything, but thanks for having me. And you and Chris were both like, “no, just knowing that we had you in our corner, like, the literal corner of our room, just gave us so much confidence to do what we did.“ And then you were like, oh, and you told me to breathe one time. That was really helpful, and I was like, thank you for making me feel useful.
Laura: Right. That is in my notes, though, because when that fetal ejection reflex came in and I was bearing down, and I was thinking, like, maybe it wasn’t time to push yet. I remember you saying, it might not be time to push yet, but also, don’t help it, but don’t fight it.
And because my instinct was just to, like, I just tensed up super hard every time I felt it, because now I was trying to kind of stop my body from pushing out the baby in case it wasn’t time yet.
And so you stood in the doorway of the shower, and you were like, what you need to do is breathe through it. I know it’s hard. You want to physically react with every fiber of your being, but if you could just breathe through it, as soon as it kind of starts bearing down, then you can buy yourself some more time to basically figure out what’s going on here. So that’s what I did.
And that was a huge game changer, because, like I said, that was the most jarring part of it. So it actually was very helpful to have you there. And then just the emotional, moral support for Chris knowing that somebody was there that was in his corner, too. And not just specifically there for me, right. Like, the rest of the team is there for mom, but the doula is there also for dad. So it was very helpful to have you there.
Laura's Second Pregnancy and Birth
Gina: So let’s move on to your second birth. How was your second pregnancy? Because this one, you have a toddler that you also need to care for. So how is your second pregnancy different than your first?
The second one, when you already have one running around, is just like, totally eclipsed by the intensity of that first child and the guilt that you feel for wanting to be present for the first child the same way you always have been. So it goes way faster.
Laura: Yeah, total game changer when you already have one running around, because with your first pregnancy, or at least for me.
With my first pregnancy, it was all about me and my body and this little thing inside of me and resting and eating well and having all the time in the world. For me and my pregnancy, it was just totally about us.
We were the stars. I jokingly, not so jokingly. Said many times that being pregnant was, like, the best thing that ever happened to me.
My husband waited on me hand in foot. He scooped the litter box. Like, he did things that he never would agree to when I wasn’t pregnant. Right? So that was great.
The second one, when you already have one running around, is just like, totally eclipsed by the intensity of that first child and the guilt that you feel for wanting to be present for the first child the same way you always have been. So it goes way faster.
And I think that’s just because you can’t be as present in that pregnancy, you’re busy being a mom already. So I remember several times being like, holy crap, I’m 26 weeks now, or 28 weeks now. And it just was, like, so fast. This time.
Working for MamasteFit and Capturing the Experience
When I found out I was pregnant, I had already left my job as a classroom teacher and had started working for MamasteFit.
So that was a huge, awesome part of the pregnancy, because as soon as I took a positive test, I had access to my prenatal workout programming. I started working out at six weeks pregnant, and one of my jobs was to subtitle birth education courses. So, I literally spent my entire pregnancy relearning all of the stuff that I probably had mostly forgotten because you have a baby.
I think I recently heard somewhere that there’s actually a chemical that is released in your brain. That’s job is to basically give you amnesia of how crazy traumatic that experience was so that you will maybe continue to procreate. And so it’s really easy to forget everything.
But because I was working now in birth education, I felt very prepared, I felt very supported. I had the best bosses in the world who were very excited about me having a baby.
That was the other thing you did for my first birth, was you had grabbed Chris’s phone and snapped a couple of pictures as I was delivering my daughter, which was something I thought I didn’t want. Like, if you had asked me about birth photography, I would been like, EW, no, not for me. But then we looked back on those pictures, years later even, and have just been floored by how powerful they were.
So, yeah, you were like, you’re going to be my prenatal yoga model. You’re going to do this, you’re going to do that, I’m going to take pictures for you. We’ve got you covered. So that was really nice.
Part of this pregnancy that I didn’t have in my first pregnancy, being a classroom teacher, there’s very little support and you’re just kind of, like, run ragged.
And then with my second pregnancy, I was run ragged by my toddler, but my job was very supportive, so that was all really nice.
Now, it was also different in that I did feel much more uncomfortable, much faster. Like, I got that pubic symphysis pain set in way sooner than it did. It was like at the very end of my first pregnancy, I felt it a little bit, but maybe halfway through my second pregnancy, I was already feeling it pretty seriously.
I had constant heartburn. Like, whether or not I had eaten anything. If I was hungry, I had heartburn. If I just ate something, I had heartburn. It was just, like, constant, which was ridiculous.
And I just felt, like, way heavier and just less comfortable in my body. Much faster with this pregnancy. So that all was different.
The second one, when you already have one running around, is just like, totally eclipsed by the intensity of that first child and the guilt that you feel for wanting to be present for the first child the same way you always have been. So it goes way faster.
And then also, one big difference emotionally was that we didn’t find out with my daughter what sex the baby would be. We didn’t know if we were having a boy or a girl, so we had, like, a couple of names picked out. One name that came to me in a dream if we happened to have a girl, which luckily, we did.
Yeah, it’s just different when you don’t know what you’re having. There’s, like, a lot of excitement about that movie moment of when they’re going to hold up the baby and say, it’s a girl or it’s a boy. But this time we did find out pretty early on and we’re shocked that it was a boy, but, like, pleasantly so.
And that was a different experience because you kind of bond with the baby in a different way. Sounds silly, but you have, like, a pronoun to refer to it by instead of it. It can be him. And he we had a name that my daughter actually picked pretty quickly that we ended up falling in love with, and it was just a different connection to the baby.
Gina: Your daughter picks a much better name than my daughter tried to pick for Sophie.
Laura: What was Sophie’s name supposed to be?
Gina: Eagle heart moon.
Laura: Oh, my God. No, that is a dope name. What was Lily’s name for your baby, Roxanne?
Roxanne: Baby Poop.
Laura: Yeah. I’m not sure if it’s too late to vote for Baby Poop. I think Joan is a beautiful name, but Baby Poop is just…
Roxanne: I think in Finnish, Poopoo means bunny. Oh. So Patrick’s like, oh, we could name her Bunny. And I was like, no, we’re not entertaining this poop idea. We can call her Bunny, but I will not name her Bunny.
Laura: Yeah, agreed. That’s a better nickname than a legal name. No offense to anybody who is legally named Bunny in the world, but yeah.
So it was different physically and emotionally, and I know enough from teaching to know that every kid is different. You never get the same kid twice, and you should never expect the same kid from a sibling, from like, if you had the older sibling, the younger sibling is going to be different, period.
I learned that in ten years of teaching, but I did not expect that the pregnancy would be so different too. So that was kind of cool to see right off the bat, like, oh, these are two very different humans immediately
Laura's Second Birth Story
Gina: Let’s move on to your second birth. So the second birth was a little bit different than the first. The same as in Laura was a birthing goddess who was super stoic and very peaceful the whole time. What I strive to be every time that I have a baby, I will not achieve it. It’s okay, but let’s get into your second birth story.
The thing is, though, because I had that experience the first time, I was trying to be careful not to sort of get my hopes up, that it would be equally fast and easy. But of course, there was a huge part of me that was like, okay, well, again, everybody tells you your second one goes faster, the pushing is easier, there's probably not going to really be any tearing. All these things to expect to be better, faster, easier. And this birth, much like the pregnancy, was very different from my first one.
Laura: Yeah, no, I will say it never gets old. Hearing from, like, a birth worker professional that I handled it well because you have no idea. I have nothing to compare it to. I have no idea what you guys have seen in your many years of experience and your many births.
But I do remember after my daughter was born, my midwife saying, if there were an Olympics for birthing, you would have gotten a gold medal. And I was like, oh, that’s good to know.
Gina: So because of that, I think for weeks after your birth, Chris and I texted I was texting your husband how amazing you are, and we would just go back and forth like, “Laura’s amazing.” And he’s like, “I know, she’s phenomenal.” I’m like, “oh, my God, I’m so proud of her.” If you looked at our chat history, it was just like, Laura’s amazing.
Laura: That’s great. He felt the need to share none of that with me. Obviously, he knew that that would go right to my head. The thing is, though, because I had that experience the first time, I was trying to be careful not to sort of get my hopes up, that it would be equally fast and easy. But of course, there was a huge part of me that was like, okay, well, again, everybody tells you your second one goes faster, the pushing is easier, there’s probably not going to really be any tearing. All these things to expect to be better, faster, easier. And this birth, much like the pregnancy, was very different from my first one.
So it was like, almost opposite in that I woke up one morning and my water had burst. Like, upon waking up. I don’t know if it happened right before I woke up, if that’s what woke me up, I don’t really know, but I know that I went to stand up and it was just like, again, this gushing sensation that I quickly made it to the bathroom. I don’t even know how.
And as soon as I sat down, I was like, hey, Chris, my water just broke. You need to get up. We need to finish packing the hospital bag.
It was a school day for my daughter, so it was time to get moving. He finished packing the hospital bag and I took a shower again and tried to figure out how I was going to get to I knew that once my water broke, I had like a 24 hours clock, more or less. That’s kind of what they give you, because your water is like that protective barrier around the baby. And once your water breaks and that membrane is ruptured, you’re compromised that you could potentially get an infection or just that your baby could be exposed to things. So I knew I had 24 hours.
But what was really weird is that I wasn’t feeling anything else. I wasn’t feeling any contractions. I didn’t feel like I was in labor. I just had a very obvious rupture of membrane. But no, nothing else.
So again, we texted you at that point much more calmly and said, hey, water broke, so we know we’re going to have to head in. But not feeling anything yet, so take your time, I guess. And you happened to be having a day with the family out in this area that we live in, so that was very convenient. And again, because I wasn’t insanely uncomfortable, I decided we would just still kind of carry on our usual morning and brought my daughter to school. Actually, stopped to get breakfast together. And she’s like, sitting in my lap and I’m tearing up like, this is our last breakfast. As a family of three, it was kind of cool to know this is what’s happening.
There was no surprise because of the water breaking, but I was still very curious to know how fast would the rest of this go, since I wasn’t feeling anything yet.
So we go bring her to school, and I run, like, another errand or two, and we make all the phone calls necessary to get all the family in place to pick her up from school that day and be prepared to be with her for potentially a couple more days. And we head to the hospital.
And this time we get to Triage. And I’m like, I’m having a baby. And they’re like, is this your first one? And I’m like, no. And they’re like, okay. And just immediately, you could tell they were taking me more seriously when it’s not the first time, although I was right the first time too.
But I feel like they did see me a little bit faster. And they came through and they checked me and they were like, yeah, you’re definitely having a baby. They put the machines on me and they were like, yeah, you’re really calm about this, but it looks like from the machines, we can tell that you are already actually having contractions. They’re about two minutes apart. And I was like, that’s so weird. I don’t feel anything at all.
So I know it’s not going to stay this easy. Like everybody says, it gets easier, but it can’t be this easy. I’m sure at some point it’s going to pick up.
But in the meantime, they brought me to a room and I figured I would take a nap and have some lunch. Because again, I know that all of that is really important to the marathon that’s coming when everything really does pick up. So I took a little nap and had a really crappy hospital lunch. I was really mad that we didn’t think to pack better snacks in our hospital bag. Really dropped the ball there because the first time it was so fast, I didn’t even have time to open the hospital bag. This time I had a little more time just waiting for things to really kick in.
So we were at the hospital by like 10:00 that morning, and I think by about 03:00 p.m., again, I realized that the trick of putting the pump on might be effective. That seemed to help my body last time. Let’s see if it helps this time. So they wheeled in the hospital pump and I put it on and within moments I felt those contractions.
Like everything really became very present in my body. And I think at that point we were texting and I was like, okay, maybe start heading this way. And I’m like I apologize. I’m going to apologize in advance in case I’m not actually anywhere near having a baby, but I might be pretty near having a baby.
And you’re like, I’m coming. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes. You headed towards the hospital.
And again, just found myself kind of swaying back and forth. Although this time I could sit on the ball and do different things.
So we did try a couple of different things. And I feel like I put the pump on probably like every hour from three to about six.
And by the time I took it off at six, I remember you and Chris said something to me. I remember reacting, but not as jovially as I had been.
And I remember you saying, I think we just got a whole lot less funny. And I was like, no, it’s not that. You’re not funny. And you’re like, “no, I know, but you probably don’t have to put the pump on anymore. I think you’re good from here, you could see this change. I know I’m hysterical in my demeanor.
You’re like, if you’re not laughing, something is wrong with you. You must be having a baby.”
So I took the pump off and was like, all right, we’re done with the pump. And from like 06:00 to 09:00, everything was definitely pretty intense. And it was at the point where I could chat in between them, but I would definitely had to stop cold as soon as I was having a contraction and just try to find a way to get through it and be comfortable and stay in my body. I tried to get in the shower, but that one just would not get hot. It was like lukewarm, crappy cold shower. And I was like, no, this isn’t working.
And got out of the shower again and just like I don’t know, I don’t even remember all the things. I feel like we did try all kinds of different things in that three hour span, but by about 930 at night, I started to feel that bearing down again. It was not super intense yet, but it was, like, just starting. And I was like, okay, we’re getting there now.
And I remember you saying, tell me as soon as you start feeling that, because when you start feeling that based on what you know about me thus far, we will proceed as necessary. So I started to feel it and I started to sort of lean into it a little bit more. I think we maybe did I can’t remember if we did another cervical exam at that point.
And I was like, closer, but not quite all the way to 10 CM yet. So, I just kind of like, walked around a little bit more and did kind of unilateral movements here and there. And it was really uncomfortable to stand with one leg higher than the other. I remember that for a fact. They brought in like, a little stool. I tried to stand on the stool with just 1ft and was like, nope, I do not like that at all. Just, like, couldn’t get comfortable and knew like, things were really definitely escalating quickly.
And 09:00 p.m., all of a sudden it was time to push.
Now, the thing that really sucked about this one is that I did push for the next 2 hours, which is not what happened the first time.
The first time was six minutes. The second time was 2 hours of pushing.
And at one point, finally, the midwife, I think she rolled in an ultrasound machine and she wanted to just kind of like, see what was going on.
And she confirmed her suspicion, which was that the baby was technically in a really good spot, but he kept his little fist tucked under his chin.
So, he tucked his chin to his chest and get that perfect flexion that you need for the baby to come through the birth canal as easily as possible, right, with all the little sutures in the skull are there for a reason. And he just would not move that little fist.
And you guys had me doing inversions and trying to back him out and get him to come back down and settle in the right spot and he just would not just would not come off of that little thinker pose.
So 2 hours of pushing, I eventually got him and his little fist burst through victoriously and he was finally born. The rest of him came out much easier after I passed, like, the head and fist. The rest was like, no problem at all. And I got to push in all kinds of cool positions because I had so much time to push that time.
So I guess that was like a benefit of it, was I got to try all the cool things. I didn’t get to try the first time, but it definitely did throw me for a loop that the pushing was so much more intense and so much longer.
Although it was obviously worth it at the end when I got to hold him again and was like, wow, I did that. That’s pretty cool.
Reflecting on her second birth
Gina: So, fun fact, because I’m realizing that you probably didn’t realize this. He was OP (occiput posterior, back of the head towards the spine), so the back of his head was towards your spine, which is why labor was so slow in progressing for you.
And so the midwife brought in an ultrasound, which I’ve only seen happen a few times, and I wish it happened more often when we were trying to figure out the baby’s position.
So when she did a cervical exam, she was like, “I think he’s op.” And so she brought in the ultrasound to check confirmed, and then she did this really cool maneuver with you that I’ve never seen before, but it worked where she had you laid down and she put her hand on his head externally and wiggled him to prompt him and was, like, kind of pressing against your belly in this very rhythmic fashion. It caused him to turn into a better position and then things really picked up from there.
So, he also had his little fist up by his face, which was like, pretty wild when it came out, I was like, Head fist. But yeah, so he was OP and she did this rhythmic belly jiggling to get him to rotate and then things really progressed from there.
Laura: Okay, yeah, that makes sense now that you say it. I remember her doing all kinds of stuff to try to move him around. I just didn’t think it was successful since that fist didn’t move. But I see now it was like a two-part maneuver. He just didn’t get the fist out, but he did at least move the rest of it.
Gina: But it was wild. I had never seen it before and I was like, why are more providers not doing this kind of stuff when we have positional? I don’t want to say issues because he came out, obviously, but it’s like, I wish more providers knew all this stuff.
Laura: Yeah, see, again, that’s a reason to have double sorcery during your birth, if you can have a midwife and a Doula, you’re covered.
I remember you saying in the class, again, very no bullshit, very straightforward, you said, it's going to hurt, it's going to be painful, but it's pain with a purpose because, at the end of that pain, you're going to meet your baby. And that just struck this huge chord with me because I think that a common theme between all of the stories that I heard about labors that were really, really hard and births that were really scary and challenging, is that the mom was at some point afraid and she fell out of control and she was scared.
Gina: What were some positive things that you pulled from your two birth experiences that really shaped a positive experience for you?
Laura: So, for me, I think a big part of my personality is the more that I can know and understand about a situation, the more comfortable and confident I can be in it.
So all of the information that I learned from your birth education classes, the fact that I physically felt very well and very prepared for this crazy marathon, basically those two things I think were huge game changers for me. So I felt physically capable and I felt mentally and emotionally prepared.
I remember you saying in the class, again, very no bullshit, very straightforward, you said, it’s going to hurt, it’s going to be painful, but it’s pain with a purpose because, at the end of that pain, you’re going to meet your baby. And that just struck this huge chord with me because I think that a common theme between all of the stories that I heard about labors that were really, really hard and births that were really scary and challenging, is that the mom was at some point afraid and she fell out of control and she was scared.
And I think fear is the mind-killer, right? That’s a really popular expression coined by somebody that’s escaping my mind right now. And it’s true.
So just knowing that I should go in expecting it to be painful, but that it is a very purposeful pain and that it is not something I need to be afraid of, it’s something that I need to lean into, was really, really huge for me mentally.
And that helped me to stay very calm, was to know that I should expect that.
And then I did find this one particular affirmation on YouTube that I listened to over and over again and again. It had this one line that really struck a chord with me and it said, my job is to simply allow my birth to happen. And again, it resonated with me to just remember that my body knows what to do. And because I didn’t have any other crazy complications and because the baby looked good and everything was okay, it was okay for me to just trust my body and let it do what it needed to do.
Having that information going in and keeping that in the forefront of my mind as I was experiencing all of these wild things that I had never experienced before, was huge for me.
It really helped me to feel like I was in control as much as you can be in control in that situation. And that when I wasn’t in control that was okay too, because my body was and it knew what to do and I just had to let it happen and not fight it.
Advice for our readers from Laura
Gina: So what advice do you have for our listeners that may find themselves in similar situations as you or what would you go back and tell yourself as you were preparing for your first birth?
Well, one of the first things that comes to my mind is again, based on the fact that I had so many people tell me, oh, it’s going to be this way, not this way. Oh, this will happen. Not this. I think it’s really important to know that people are going to share their stories. People are going to share statistics and data and stereotypes and that’s all well and good and most people have a good intention behind it, but their stories are not yours and it doesn’t mean that that’s what you’re going to experience.
So just be open to that and just be aware of that. That your birth and every single one that you have, if you have multiples, are going to be completely uniquely your own. Just not to get hung up on everybody else’s stories or tips or advice.
Following that would be to trust yourself and your body because your natural intuition just as a woman, and then that immediate mom gut that just somehow kicks in, those are valid and so don’t let anybody stifle that in you.
I think we have a tendency to do that as women in our culture especially, and then especially when in front of a medical professional, if a doctor is saying it needs to be X, but you’re pretty sure you feel like it should be Y, there’s some validity to that.
And that’s where having a doula is helpful because someone who’s going to advocate that like, no, she thinks it needs to be Y, so it needs to be Y. So just to remember that.
And then my biggest, biggest thing, and this is the hardest one, of course, is don’t be afraid. So just get educated however you need to. Preferably not by going down like a Google rabbit hole. Find yourself a reputable source of information that’s not going to make you feel any certain way or isn’t pushing any kind of agenda.
And like spoiler alert, if you’re listening to this podcast and you’re following MamasteFit, then you are already in the right place for that. Because I think that getting educated is such a huge part of it.
Finding a meditation or an affirmation that maybe rings true for you that you can just hold on to. And I will say the first couple of times you might be kind of forcing yourself to say it, you kind of have to fake it till you make it with those things sometimes.
But I do recommend trying it because again, I was surprised to find that it just kept repeating through my brain as I was going through it. Just doing whatever you need to do to allow yourself to feel as little fear as possible because I truly believe that it made all the difference for me and feeling mentally and physically prepared just was huge.
The MamasteFit Podcast Birth Story Episodes are sponsored by Bao Bei, a perinatal support garment company. Use code MAMASTEFIT for 15% off your order.